Double Hung, LLC: Government Collection Agency

My company has 9 employees, one of which (that’d be me) is the combined Human Resources, Accts Payable, Accts Receivable, Sales, Payroll, Purchasing and Collections departments.  Needless to say, I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands.

Recently, I realize that I’m also – by law  – an unpaid collection agent for any arm of the government who has dibs on any portion of my employee’s earnings.

Employers were long ago assigned to the unpaid role of collector and transfer agent for their employees federal and state income taxes, Medicare payments and Social Security contributions.  I can see the appeal of this for the agencies involved for two reasons: 1. They have more centralized accounting than they would if each employee was required to submit a check every pay period for what they owe, and 2. Everyday citizens would start monthly armed insurrections toward the government if they had their money in their hands for a short period and then had to subsequently part with it in a pro-active manner. Taxpayers are shielded from the every-pay-day shock of realizing how much they actually owe and are dulled into compliance due to the hands-of sterility of the transaction.  The pleasure of paying their taxes is assigned to me.

By forcing employers to withhold and transfer taxes for the taxpayer, we, the employers, become the un-remunerated, bad guy, pay day collector – the government just rolls in the dough and threatens the business owner with penalties, and even prison, if we don’t do their bidding exactly when they bid it.

Wage garnishments – same thing.  Child support payments withheld – same thing.  And all without even the courtesy of a call from some bureaucrat saying, “thanks for your help with this“, or, (in my dreams), “here’s a $200 tax credit for helping us out every two weeks – we couldn’t do it without you“.

Hell, they don’t even provide me with a postage paid envelope to mail them their damn money, within seven days… or else… by penalty of law.

What’s worse, if I don’t do as they say – I’ll become the bad guy.   This just ain’t right.

The government has a sweet deal when it comes to collections.  All they have to do is find that you employ someone who owes them money, and little ol’ me  is transformed into an unpaid money handler for “the man”.

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3 Comments

  1. Posted November 20, 2009 at 8:50 pm | Permalink

    You are complaining too soon David. If Obamanation gets this health care reform government take over of 16% of our economy you are going to have at the very least twice the deductions to make or pay a fine and go to jail. But that’s okay 53% of Americans didn’t listen to what the man kept telling them over and over during the campaign so now that the circus has begun it’s time to crawl on the merry-go-round. I only hope no one upchucks their kool-aid and cotton candy. BB

  2. Oscar Trillin
    Posted November 20, 2009 at 11:52 pm | Permalink

    I am afraid sir, that its fixin to get much worse.

  3. Marshall
    Posted December 1, 2009 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    I believe you can legally charge a few dollars per person per pay period for collecting child support and a couple of others if you choose to do so.