Traveler’s Advisory

I was born and raised (OK… reared) in Hodgenville, Kentucky for my first 20 years, which certainly qualifies me as a small town boy (pop. 2600).  To prove it, I still wave at every car I encounter on a two lane road.  My parents are still there and Dad keeps me abreast of all that is happening, or not, from a place that I love dearly.  He sent a message from Rural Kentucky in the form of a traveler’s advisory today, parts of which I have posted because they are SO true.

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross into the beautiful Bluegrass State of Kentucky, the state’s Tourism Council has adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand rural Kentuckians, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

  • That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
  • We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. It was a cartoon. We got over it.
  • Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for . … bait.
  • Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
  • No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
  • If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
  •  So every person in every pickup waves . . . It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?
  • And my favorite…There’s only one basketball team in the Bluegrass state . . .. THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS. Any mention of any other team, who’s mascot is a big red bird, and their backstabbing, traitor coach could get you shot.

There is a whloe lot of me in the twenty advisories and I recommend that you read them all before crossing the border.

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