I hope she means it

Maybe it is the pressing work, maybe it’s what’s going on with Jinni, maybe its just that I’m finally growing up, maybe it’s because my Mom’s not feeling 100% and I couldn’t go see her last week, maybe I’m just used to being in Kentucky this time of year, maybe it was losing my good friend Terry some month’s ago - whatever – it just doesn’t feel right.  My Happy New Year greetings, which I normally extend with gusto, just don’t have the same kick this year.

Christmas was fine, don’t get me wrong.  The Hoggard five enjoyed spending time together but we are used to throngs of people being here, which, this year, has been curtailed by Jinni’s low white cell count.  We’re going over to some friends’ house to watch “the ball fall” later tonight, but I’d rather just go to bed.

It has been an eventful year and one which has caused me to grow up in many ways.  The circumstances of my new-found maturity, some you know of – some you don’t, are causing introspection on my part.  It’s about time, I suppose, because, as they say… “The unexamined life…”  and all that.  I’m in self-examination.  Anyway…

Life is good.  We are healthy… (well, except for Jinni’s bump-in-the-road cancer), we pay most of our bill almost on time as my business continues to build, the kids are well-adjusted and for the most part growing up to be good citizens of this world, we have a gaggle of great friends and neighbors, I’m secure in my spirituality or lack of it, our cars are paid for… so what’s the problem?

I think it was that damn tsunami that laid me low.  Few things have ever sent me reeling like the accounts I have been hearing and reading in the aftermath of that act of my God.  If I hear of one more father’s account of how he was forced to choose between saving himself or his child – and that choice being made evident by the fact that he is giving the account – I know I will bust wide open.  The whole disaster is just a whole lot to fathom, and it just doesn’t lend itself to making merry.

Tomorrow, in 2005, I may read this and think, “well, that was a buzz kill”, and by then I truly hope this,… well,… sadness will have passed and life will back in perspective…. but dammit… having to choose between yourself and your kid in a split second, and then having to live with the result of that decision?  As I said, it’s just a lot to fathom right now.

Happy New Year anyway.

Update 10:30: I’m feeling better already, the Wharton’s are next on the Hoggard meatloaf brigade.  Truth is, this will only be the second meatloaf submission to date.  See, meatlof makes everyone feel better.

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